Although talking is important, having someone sit with you can be just as helpful.
A Kind Word Can Make A Difference.
As a former crisis negotiator, I know too well the value of saying the right thing at the right time. It can be the difference between a successful conclusion to a tense situation, or a bad end if the wrong thing is said.
Is a kind word really effective in helping others or does it just make you feel good by saying it?
Intuitively, and probably obviously, using harsh words won't win you friends but using nice words and compliments will. Offering kind words increases connections in the brain and with the other person.
Additionally, kind words are contagious, if someone says a nice word about you there is a tendency for you to do the same for someone else.
While out for a jog one evening, I noticed a young lady about to sit down on a park bench beside an estuary, to have her break. She was wearing an oversized city council raincoat and had just finished cleaning the public toilets where I jog. As I ran past I realised that it was a Saturday evening when most people were relaxing. She was at work.
Returning to her, I thanked her for what she does. She looked a little surprised at this strange person all covered in sweat and asked "When was this?" "Now and every day you make this place clean for us" was my reply. With an embarrassed smile, she said "Oh, thank you so much". I smiled back and jogged off.
I have no idea what she thought nor whether it had an impact on her, but her smile said everything. I just hope it made her know that what she was doing was making a difference. Making her feel good is what I wanted.
As with smiling and hugging, saying a kind word not only helps the other person it also helps you. Endorphins and other chemicals are released when we do something kind for someone else, which make us feel good and help protect our immune system.
It is said it takes nothing to be kind, well it does, it takes a little piece of our time. And haven't we all got just a little bit of time to say a few kind words or an unexpected thank you?
Let's talk!
What I Learned From My Brain-Break!
Having had a brain-break in 1999, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be free of the effects of this event.
Will I ever be 'normal' again? Will I be free to work as hard as I used to without fear of going 'mad'? Will I always be worried about what others think and say about me? Will I ever be totally ‘free’?
The answer is, as it is with most things, yes and. Or as we say in New Zealand - "Yeah nah!"
I learnt a lot when I went through my event.
I learned that I have to look after myself.
I learned that I should never have worked 12-hour days continuously for years on end.
I learned that the mind is just as fragile as the body and if you mistreat it your brain will break just like the body.
I learned that I am not indestructible after all.
Going through my recovery was one of true discovery. Everything went from dark to light, opaque to clear, hazy to bright, cloudy to sunny. It didn’t happen overnight, it took a few years, three to five as they say. But it was a wonderful journey of discovery.
I discovered that the brain is more important than the body. That it never rests, that it makes stuff up, that it exaggerates the negative, that it will get away on me if I let it, and that it is me who ultimately has control of my brain.
I also discovered that I must take care of my brain:
I must rest it when it is tired.
I must exercise it when it has been dormant.
I can work as hard as I want provided I don’t do so for years on end.
I must stop (over) reacting to my negative thoughts
I must trust my gut instinct more.
I must listen to my brain when it is in slow mode and ignore it when it is sprinting flat-out.
I find now that I am more emotional than I ever was. I am more connected with those around me, that I am more caring about what others think and say, that I should try and help others as much as I can, that how I behave impacts on others without me ever knowing it both positively and negatively. I am more sensitive than I would ever have thought a person should or could be, and that’s a good thing.
Mostly what I learned is that I have been to a place that many of us have been to and recovered from, that I am not alone, that what I went through is normal if you don’t look after yourself, that I should have listened to those around me who had ‘been there and done that’, that I am human after all.
I wouldn’t want to change any of the effects for anything, I am living life to the fullest.
Let's talk!
I Am Not Good Enough!
I am not good/strong enough.
I need to wait until...
When I get this done I can relax.
The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am.
I am getting old.
Life is passing me by way too fast.
I wish I had/hadn't...
Why can't I be like everyone else?
You've likely said or thought at least one of these in your lifetime. Here are a few tips to help you deal with them:
🧠 I am not good/strong enough - Imposter syndrome, you are good enough, you can always do better, and that's why you are where you are today.
I need to wait until - Your brain likes to run in patterns of behaviour, habits that may keep you where you are. There is no waiting, start today, right now, this instant.
🧠 When I get this done I can relax - You will never finish, there's always something else to do, there's another job to do. So, relax in the knowledge that you are working towards being a better person, helping others, and contributing to society.
🧠 The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am - Yes, we all have a much younger person as our inner guide. Acknowledge and validate him/her, just don't let him/her hold you back.
🧠 I am getting old - Reflection arrives with age, as does wisdom. Focus on the present, and embrace that you are currently alive by making the most of the time you have.
🧠 Life is passing me by way too fast - You are busy, which is a good thing, you simply aren't focusing on the here and now. Bring yourself back to the moment.
🧠 I wish I had/hadn't - Guilt and regret are designed to remind you of risks/danger and add to your learning pile. Instead, reflect on the good that you have done and add to your pile of good things.
🧠 Why can't I be like everyone else - You are, in many ways. There's about a 10% difference between all of us, the circumstances into which we were born. The rest is very similar, know that you are not alone.
What's a "negative" thought you frequently have? Let's talk!
Gaining Experience Can Be Uncomfortable!
A helpful way to learn how to cope with 'life' is to expose ourselves to situations that take us out of our comfort zone, to stretch us to do things that we never imagined we could, possibly frighten us a little.
Something to get us to feel our emotional response and learn how to process the feeling and reduce it.
The best time to start learning about managing our stress responses is as early as possible, beyond the first 1000 days when we have grown fully into our limbic system where our emotions are regulated.
There is a balance between empowering our young to prepare them for life's challenges and putting them under too much pressure. Maturity is an important aspect of managing emotions.
Too much pressure at too early an age where the brain hasn't developed adequately may reduce their ability to cope. Hopefully, this is helpful for you as an adult if you believe you aren't as resilient as others appear to be.
If you want to add to your level of resilience, there are some things that you can do to strengthen your ability to cope and adapt. We all know the benefits of having a support network, of believing in yourself, of being optimistic, of managing change.
Yet, how do we do that? Experientially is the best way.
Those who follow us know that we are fans of practical techniques. Don't dream it, don't think it, do it!
Try some of these tips to improve your ability to cope with 'life' when life happens to you:
🧗 Do something small that challenges you, often. Remember, small steps are better than no steps at all.
🎯 Set goals - goals need not be large nor long-term, but we all need something to work towards. A series of small goals is the way, layover points between each goal to rest, the mountain is yours to conquer.
🛠️ Start something new - Learning new skills keeps the brain interested, active, and alert. There are wonderful benefits in having a bucket list, remember to keep adding to it as you tick each one off.
🧩 Work on problem-solving skills - puzzles, online quizzes, a games night, wordle, whatever it takes to get you thinking.
We can become more adaptable, more able to cope with what life sends our way, we become more resilient. We all have the ability to change, this I promise you.
Let's talk!